1. Rizzo – Grease
Who would you play in a stage production of Grease? If you say “Sandy,” then I’m afraid this simply isn’t going to work. Rizzo, on the other hand, we can totally party.
Rizzo was the bad girl that I grew up adoring. She was the bold and brassy free spirit of Rydell High who ruled the school with her acid tongue.
Having sat and pondered the matter for all of five minutes, I’ve decided that there is no way in which Grease can be framed as a feminist masterpiece. Olivia Newton-John’s leggings alone set women back a decade. But amidst all of the puritanical chastity and wop-bob-a-loo-bop-a-wop-bam-boo-ing, Rizzo stood tall. She had sex AND ENJOYED IT. She dressed provocatively AND ENJOYED IT. She shimmied down drainpipes, smoked fags and danced dirty AND ENJOYED IT.
Best Quote:
She’s too pure to be pink
2. Nancy – The Craft
Earth, air, fire, water, earth, air, fire, water...The Craft made being a teenage witch cool again. It was no mean feat as Sabrina had really screwed things up for the dark arts. Much like Sandy/Rizzo you could tell a lot about a teenage girl by finding out their favourite big-screen teenage witch. Sabrina = Sandra Dee with a cat, Nancy from The Craft = Rizzo with more eyeliner.
Nancy was a trailer-trash girl with a penchant for rouge-noir lipstick and black mini-kilts. She was the leader of St Bernadette’s coven and lead her band of misfits through an intoxicating cocktail of fear and being really, really cool and awesome. OK, by the end of the film she is strapped to a gurney in a psychiatric hospital screaming: “I’m flying, I’m flying, I’m flying!” but Nancy had her moments – like when she walked on water or wore sunglasses.
Best quote:
Bus Driver: Watch out for the weirdos, girls.
Nancy: We are the weirdos, mister.
3. Peg – Lady and the Tramp
This sassy little shih tzu has been around the block many times, only to get caught by the dog catcher on every occasion. There are many reasons to love Peg, the main one being that she wears blue eyeshadow. There’s also the hair, which reminds me Chrissie Hynde from The Pretenders. Everything about her hints at a life of glamour that hit the rocks. Especially when the Bulldog points out that she “used to be in the dog-and-pony follies”.
With her worldly wisdom and a past that hangs heavy (like her fringe), Peg takes prissy little Lady under her wing paw and teaches her the art of street smart. She also teaches her a thing or two about The Tramp and puppy love.
Best quote:
He’s a tramp.
4. Amber - Clueless
Poor, try-hard (and fail miserably) Amber. With her flame red hair and courageous fashion sense, you can’t help but think that, in another (less-tacky) life, she could have been Cher Horowitz.
But no, Amber has found herself out-charmed, outclassed and almost out-sassed by Cher and Dionne. Rather than give up and let the pretty and popular pair have an easy ride, she fights back.
Fighting back: Amber-style means ridiculous and attention grabbing outfits and unrelenting critique of Cher’s questionable academic performance. Unlike the film’s lead, Amber prefers to wear her bitchiness on her sleeve. She states the obvious whilst everyone else is too dazzled by Cher’s eloquent charm.
She should also be credited with setting up one of the all-time ultimate high school movie zingers. C’mon girl! What do you expect to happen when you say the words “balls fly at my nose”?
Best quote:
She could be a farmer in those clothes.
5. Regina – Mean Girls
All hail the Queen Bee! Spoilt, vain, autocratic and terrifying, Regina George is the girl that all of the other girls, inexplicably, want to be. Fuelled by the powers of prettiness and popularity, she rules North Shore High with her “plastic” sidekicks.
Whilst she doesn’t have many redeeming features, Regina is a great at being a byotch. Her teen-slang vocabulary is also pretty fetch good – next time you are pissed off with a guy, try calling him a skeeze, it is way cathartic.
Whilst it would be easy to dissect Regina’s character to reveal how she is really “deeply insecure”, let’s not go there. She is the girl who describes her huge back brace as a “spinal halo”, she doesn’t go on some clichéd 97 minute journey from byotch to bland. Regina knows who she is.
Best quote:
That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I have ever seen
Jen Evans is the Culture and Deputy Editor of BitchBuzz.com. She plans to one-day stage a one woman musical performance of Clueless at the Edinburgh Fringe. You can follow her tweets (mainly about cheese) @bookishbrunette.