The fabulous Laura from Vegansaurus has blessed us with a hilarious guest post on how to have a happy vegan holiday, and how to try to convince your friends and family that eating vegan holiday food does not make you a "fucking weirdo"...
This post is just about Christmas, but I plan on educating you on Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Guadalupe Day, Festivus and every other ridiculous holiday you might foolishly celebrate.
But first, the most
corrupt awesome of all, Christmas!
Christmas traditionally takes place on December 25th. It's the day sweet baby Jesus rose from the dead or the day he was born or buried. I don't know which, does it really matter? Now it's just about consuming as much crap as possible and stuffing your fat face. It is my holiday of choice.
For vegans, there is the traditional Tofurky roast that you must serve so your family can make fun of what a fucking weirdo you are. But they are the fucking weirdos who are eating dead pigs roasted in dead cow gravy. Fucking weirdos!
Instead of fitting the typical vegan cliché of fake tofu bird, you could branch out and bring a crowd pleasing lasagna or risotto. Get a recipe on Vegweb, which has a huge archive of vegan recipes with ratings and reviews. Trust me, the OCD crazies who post on that site will tell it like it is in their reviews, so you will know if a recipe works or not. Brancing out from the tofu bird will convince everyone that vegan food isn't just poor amalgamations of dead animal.
Another idea is to ask your parents for their traditional mashed potato or whatever recipe, and then make it vegan for them, showing them it's still delicious without animal suffering. If you're not a vegan Martha, you can also order a delicious cake or treats from many of the delicious vegan bakeries around. Sticky Fingers Bakery in DC does mail order to the entire United States and their treats are stellar. Holy crap, just thinking about their cinnamon rolls, I'm drooling on my desktop. I am gross.
Instead of gifting crappy crap from Walmart, why not give something where the money doesn't go to violating international Child Labor Laws and support your beliefs? EFA Artists Helping Animals is like an Esy for Animals, where the money goes to supporting different animal rescue organizations.
You can also pick up sweet and semi-violent (best combo!) shirts and hoodies from Herbivore Clothing! Another great option is donating to an Animal Rights or Animal Welfare charity in a friend's name. My personal favorite is to adopt a cute enough to not eat chicken, cow or pig from Animal Place or Farm Sanctuary! This year has hit non-profits pretty badly so adding them to your gift giving list is the right thing to do. Don't be an asshole.
So you see, you can be just as much of a glutton and consumerist on Christmas as your Omnivore counterparts! Happy Holidays!
Original Image via Vegalicious