I first encountered the dark, sultry and mysterious Ms. Bees Knees in late 2006 at a holiday party.
I was standing at the bar alone waiting for a drink. Then all of the sudden, she was there. She flagged down the bartender ahead of me and gave me a look that said "do you mind?"
I shrugged and she ordered herself a very dirty martini.
I turned for a second and she was gone. The bartender handed me a vodka and cranberry and said "Compliments of Ms. Bees Knees."
Every time that I've encountered her since it has been in the exact same manner: She appears from out of nowhere and vanishes just as quick.
I've always been super curious about who exactly she was. I decided to do a little digging to try and find out. I thought that perhaps she was C.I.A. or part of some other covert group of spies. The truth is that MBK is a highly paid and extremely deadly femme fatal assassin!
I was shocked to learn that she has a Facebook fan group and a blog!
A few nights after I started my research, a brick was hurled through my front window. Attached was a note which simply said:
"You must stop investigating me. If you do, I will agree to an interview for your Women to Watch column on BitchBuzz. Deal?"
On the other side of the note was a time, date and location written in her trademark red lipstick. Curiosity was killing the Kate, so I showed up for the interview. Just like always, one minute I was alone and then she was there...
Can you share with your readers how you fell into the "femme fatal assassin" field of work?
Honestly it’s always been in my blood. I come from a whole line of Sicilian assassins who were literally bred for covert killing. I wasn’t too keen on all of it in the beginning. I really didn’t want to be a murderer for a living. I mean, fuck, who really does, right?? So I initially rejected my chosen destiny as a contract killer…. I tried it all, the whole girl-Friday normal corporate worker bee horseshit, but only ended up carelessly killing assholes who annoyed me along the way. I was tired of playing the sheep and denying what was within me: the wolf.
I was faced with a choice, much like every natural born killer is. The best way I can describe my initiation is that it was very similar to that scene in Wanted where Sloan says,
“It a choice …that each of us must face: to remain ordinary, pathetic, beat-down, coasting through a miserable existence, like sheep herded by fate - or you can take control of your own destiny and join us, releasing the caged wolf you have inside. ... The choice is yours.”
Essentially, I chose to be the wolf. I figured to hell with it… may as well do some good with this curse that comes so naturally to me, you know? So I contacted the organization and my family welcomed me with open arms. They were expecting me. They knew I’d eventually come around and seek out the Fraternity, as most do.
What, if anything, can you tell us about this world-wide organization of Assassins?
The organization has been in place for thousands of years with its roots in the Hashshashin, an Arabic designation of the Nizari branch of the Ismā'īlī Shia Muslims during the Middle Ages. It began steeped in corruption and greed but transformed over the centuries into a somewhat ruthless vigilantism.
What was your profession before contract killing?
Girl Friday type bullshit. Pencil pushing never suited me, that is unless I was shoving said pencil into the orbital cavity of an annoying office worker…
Do you plan to parlay your adventures into a book at some point?
Hmmm, most likely no. All my secrets will die with me.
What's the weirdest contract assassination you've had to perform?
A group of San Francisco strippers pooled together their tips and paid me to have their shithead boss knocked off. He was pimping the dancers out, stealing from them and then one girl ended up dead, beheaded in a dumpster, after that, they called me. I talk about it in “Killing Lou” parts 1 and 2 in my blog.
What's your weapon of choice?
I have a few favorite sniper rifles for sharp shooting, my 357s, my 45s, nylon rope and an arsenal of poisons but my trusty Gerber tactical blade is always on my person. Knives are by far my weapon of choice.
I ask this question of everyone I interview for this column: What's the one piece of advice you'd give to young women out there who want to follow in your footsteps?
Don’t. [We both laugh... Me more nervously than she.]
Thanks for meeting with me... uh... what's the protocol here? Do you leave first or do I?
You do. Just walk away and don’t look back. I promise, by the time you reach the door, I’ll be gone. But first, take my card, because you never know when you’ll need my services. [Bees blew me a kiss as I turned and walked out of the bar.]
Note from Kate: The character of Ms Bees Knees and the blog Hello, I'm a Contract Killer are works of fiction by an anonymous author. Any resemblance to persons living or deceased is purely coincidental.