My New Pink Button: It's Dye! For Your Genitals!

By Cate Sevilla

Despite women already having to worry about wrinkles, gray hair, shrinking and saggy boobs,, irregular bowl movements that can be cured by yogurt, cellulite, their weight and muscle tone – there’s now something else we need to worry about.

Don’t panic, it has nothing to do with your health, but everything to do with the cosmetic appearance of your labia.

Yes. Your labia.

Meet My New Pink Button, a new “Genital Cosmetic Colorant” that “restores the ‘pink’ back to a Woman’s genitals”.

Indeed, ladies. There is now a makeup that can help keep your bits pink. You know. Like they’re apparently meant to be.

My New Pink Button was created by a female esthetician who has worked with plastic surgeons, (SUPRISE!!!) and while in their FAQ section My New Pink Button admit that it is “perfectly normal" for a woman not to be pink “down there”, apparently being anything other than pornographic pink is as unwanted as those pesky fine line and wrinkles.

Not only is it unwanted, but if your labia is brownish or purplish, it’s apparently “unhealthy” as this is clearly insinuated in their FAQ:

Q. “I used to be so “Pink” and healthy looking on my inside Labia Lip area.  Now I am losing that fresh look. Is there anything I can do”?

A. Yes, now there is a solution! “My New Pink Button” is a Cosmetic Dye especially for the woman's genital area, to help restore that healthy vibrant Rosy color.  Until now there has never been a solution for restoring natural pigment.  This is a concern with many women and more than you can even imagine, and a frequent question that Physicians are asked.  Check out the blogs on the Internet.  You are not alone!  This is a common problem and we now have a simple and safe solution, restoring sexual confidence to Women everywhere! 

Yes, that’s right ladies! Now we need to be worried about our vulvas looking FRESH. And VIBRANT.

Pray tell, how does one keep their bits looking FRESH? Do I need to start refrigerating my labia? Keeping it on ice? Maybe I’ll start carrying a small ice pack with me in case I suddenly find myself on a hot date.

“Sorry honey, not tonight. My vagina isn’t that vibrant rosy color I know you like so much. Just give it 48 – 72 hours more, and we’ll be back in business. Promise.”

How precious that My New Pink Button are acting as if they’re doing women everywhere some great service by creating a product that allows us to keep our vaginas FRESH and VIBRANT and PINK. Sorry, but suggesting that women start rubbing rouge on their “labia lip area” doesn’t sound like “restoring sexual confidence” but more like enforcing an unachievable and unrealistic beauty standard that most of us didn't even know existed.

Never mind having women accept their bodies the way they are, let’s have them dye their labia and nipples (did I mention it was nipple-friendly?) to the “right” color. (Good news, guys! It can also be used on your penis!)

It started with makeup and lipstick, drifted into the horrors of cutting open our bodies and taking the natural out and shoving the unnatural in, to little containers labeled with glamorous names like Audry and Marilyn filled with chemical dye that’s meant to go on the most sacred and natural part of your body.

(There’s a Ginger and a Bettie, too. )

In my opinion, Ms Karan Mari should be passing out hand mirrors and copies of Our Bodies, Ourselves instead of vag dye , but when there are satisfied customers like “Lena” who have “evened out” her “pink colors with the darker spots” to give her labia a “better look”, I doubt this will happen anytime soon.

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 18:30 (GMT+00)
9 Responses

This is blowing my mind! w o w

Wed, 13-Jan-2010 20:19 GMT

Wellll...yeah, it's totally ludicrous. But I'm gonna say that it's mostly only ludicrous because we're not a society where you see random crotches on a daily basis. If we were a world of nudists, you'd be able to get any sort of labia decoration at Hot Topic or whathaveyou. I mean, anal bleaching is already a thing, right? But fortunately that area gets even less, er, airplay.

Wed, 13-Jan-2010 21:41 GMT

And have you SEEN the colours? There is NO WAY that vaginas are supposed to be Barbie pink. At least i hope not, anyway. The most ridiculous thing is that it says in the FAQ that non-'rosy' labia are perfectly normal and natural - it's just how they look. So what's the point of the product?!

Wed, 13-Jan-2010 22:06 GMT

Oh, for FUCK'S SAKE! Someone is going to have to be shot for this: how to choose between the designer and the idiots who buy it? Oh, just kill them all!

K. A. Laity
Wed, 13-Jan-2010 22:12 GMT

I'll get started on being offended by the ridiculous product just as soon as I get over being offended by their random and irritating use of Capital Letters totally Inappropriately.

Thu, 14-Jan-2010 15:07 GMT

What. The. Fuck?!! (This product is so bad that I have completely forgotten how to punctuate.)

Lori Smith
Thu, 14-Jan-2010 19:54 GMT

Woohoo! What a jaw dropper!!! But then after a few minutes of pondering this, I think it will be another novelty product for women..... I sell sex toys and women's products through " Pure Romance ", which is one of the largest companies that carry personal sexual enhancement products for women and their partners. We don't carry this, but if we did, I am sure the women would try it. They are always into the lickable, flavored lubes and anything that enhances a women's or men's genitals for sexual play. I think this was also common with Geishas for beautification....I'd be open to trying it: )

Fri, 15-Jan-2010 09:08 GMT

its wholly depressing
Thu, 21-Jan-2010 13:12 GMT

Perhaps the new thing will be having green genital dye - both men and women will be flocking towards you. Lovely.

Sun, 06-Jun-2010 03:21 GMT

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