The Psychology of Faking It

By Kelli Savill

When you hear the term "faking it", you might automatically think I'm just talking about the “Big O”, but it goes deeper than that. 'Faking it' goes down to the very psychology of your sex life; if you’re faking an orgasm, then you’re faking the whole thing.

In 2009, the University of Kansas did a study on hundreds of students about faking orgasms. Sadly 25% of males, and 50% admitted to faking climax. According to this study, it happened more often in steady relationships, and both sexes seem to do it in order to end a sex session quickly.

The internet has an abundance of articles such as, “Faking Orgasms: Why Women do it and How to Tell”, which describe in great detail why women do it, and the consensus seems to be that women are rarely in the mood, something that I definitely disagree with. It’s a little depressing, especially that these articles are often written by women. It seems that faking an orgasm is the punch line of every joke about marital sex.

The ultimate disgusting reason for faking an oragasm, according to the above article is that the women is mad at you, but not mad enough to tell you. “So she will just go through the motions while cussing you in her mind and smiling about how you are such an idiot you can't tell the difference.” Wow.

The fact that pretending to come when you don’t is bad enough but the perpetuation of the sexist reasons as to why, well, enough is enough.

The people I've talked to who have admitted to faking their orgasms have also admitted to faking all of their sexual enthusiasm. Doesn’t that just sound like that worst thing ever? Literally, laying back and thinking of England.

Faking sexual enthusiasm says something very deep about your relationship. The importance of being able to communicate your needs is the very core of our sexual lives, and if you don’t want to or are unable to climax that night, just vocalise that. I do hope I’m not the only woman who has hurried the situation along because, well, orgasms can be exhausting...

Of course, it’s different for men, who can see the culmination as the only way to end the sex. Speaking to my gay friends, the on-going joke seems to be that lesbian sex can just go on. And on, and on, if no one vocalises their need to stop it. In my straight relationships, however, I’ve never been met with such disdain as when I’ve told them, “Not tonight. I don’t feel like it.”

Perhaps this desire for an orgasm by their partners pressures women into faking their own orgasms. It does sound like less effort but, it also sounds like a lie. A small one, maybe, but imagine the hurt if your sexual partner found out - and if they aren’t hurt, perphaps you have more to worry about...

Let’s stop faking our orgasms and start having them, please.

Image from mod as hell's Flickr account

Tue, 27 Nov 2012 16:30 (GMT+00)
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