Why Sharing Your Sex Stories is Important

By Michelle Tilley

In generations past, sex was always a taboo subject. For our Grandparents and probably our parents and maybe even for some of our older readers, it was a subject that was whispered about behind closed doors, not to be discussed in public - sinful and shameful and very much frowned upon.

I’m glad we’ve gotten over this now. For one thing, I’d have very little to write about if I wasn’t allowed to talk about sex and "BitchBuzz.com" would be neither a functioning URL or  a very stimulating read. Being able to talk about sex more openly allows for sex education, sexual health clinics and free and open discussion about sexual rights - good things one and all.

But the best thing about sex being an acceptable topic of conversation is that you get to hear sex stories. I loves me a good sex story. The ones that make you squirm, the ones that make you laugh, the ones that turn you on, the ones that cause large amounts of high-fiving and “dirt-off-your-shoulder”-style hand actions. The really good ones you can dine out on for ages. The brilliant ones that you can’t believe happened in real life.

For example, I know a guy who’s had sex on top of one of the lions in Trafalgar Square. I know several people who are official members of the Mile High Club. I know someone who’s got a blow job on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury (not during a performance, but still).  I even know someone who’s done it in the aquarium at Pier 49 in San Francisco.*

Now, I’m not talking about gossiping about people behind their backs: “So-and-so is such a slut, you’ll never guess what she did...” That’s reserved for an entirely different sub-set of people. The point of telling sex stories is to relate to each other, to empathise - and to be proud of yourself and your sexual antics. It's something we always associate with men - that whole “go on my son, get in there” kind of mentality. But the truth is that there’s nothing to be ashamed of in taking pride in your sexuality, regardless of what sex you are.

It’s also a good way of learning from other people’s mistakes. The story about the tongue piercing, where it’s all fun and games until someone loses their foreskin? The story about that time you were really nervous about screwing the hot guy in your office so you decided to drink yourself into a state of courage and ended up drinking yourself into passing out halfway through?

It’s an even better way of working out when it’s all gone wrong in an entirely different way.  It’s sometimes hard to tell when you’ve crossed a line or when someone else has - and it often needs the perspective of another person to make the distinction or point out where you went wrong. Two guys in one night? Half the Starting Line of your high school football team? Your boss? Your boss during promotion season? Your teacher? Maybe not, luv…

Finally, especially when it’s all gone horribly, it can feel so good to laugh at your own misfortune with someone else. That time you decided to visit your boyfriend at the office in only a coat and a thong and then his boss invited you all out for drinks?!

These mortifyingly embarrassing stories are enough to put you off having sex ever again at the time but afterwards, and after a few glasses of wine, they become new ways to remind us that we’re only human.

And that’s probably how sex ended up getting un-taboo-ed in the first - with people telling stories. Human beings are natural born storytellers - we just can’t help ourselves. Our lives are filled with stories, about both the real and the imagined and we use them to learn, to grow, to entertain, to influence, to change, to move forwards and to remember what was. We are also inherently social creatures as well - knowing our own stories is nothing compared to the pleasure we get in sharing them. And like I said, I love a good sex story, so that works out great for me!

In an ideal world there would be no taboo subjects, nothing that could never ever be discussed. That’s not the case - and even though we talk about sex more these days, we still don’t talk about it enough. The solution is to keep talking about it. With our friends, in books, in blogs, in magazines, in newspapers. And not in the “Ten Ways To Please Your Man” kind of way - frank honest and real stories that will inform us and make us laugh. And not on TV - yes, thank you Sex And The City for making in-roads - now go away and let those of use who occasionally wear flats take over!

*One of these stories is mine - I’ll leave you to decide...

Image via Yahoo! Movies


Mon, 16 Feb 2009 10:42 (GMT+00)
1 Response

Michelle - I applaud you. This is such a well-written article, and I couldn't agree more.

"That’s not the case - and even though we talk about sex more these days, we still don’t talk about it enough. The solution is to keep talking about it."

YES! For support. For education. To connect. Absolutely.

Tue, 17-Feb-2009 06:16 GMT

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