There are days where I think that women are on top of the world. Between Hillary Clinton, The Fempire and Carol Ann Duffy - things are looking up.
We're moving closer and closer to breaking through the glass ceiling, and we're rallying together to bust through stereotypes like, oh I don't know, that whole women in tech thing.
And then I receive emails with subject lines that read:
"WOMEN’S MENSTRUAL CYCLES USED AS SCAPEGOAT TO AVOID HEFTY FINES!"
Apparently a new, highly reliable survey has discovered that 88% of women will use their period as an excuse to get out of an uncomfortable situation, and 72% will use it as an excuse to avoid getting a speeding ticket or parking fine.
And how exactly would that work?
- "Oh, see, I double parked because I needed to change my tampon to avoid getting TSS."
- "Oh, excuse me officer, I was speeding because I really need to empty my Moon Cup."
- "Oh, sorry Sharon. I can't make it to your BBQ this weekend. Yeah, I have a particularly heavy flow and it really inhibits my ability to cook a good casserole."
Even worse, while the rest of us are busy trying to prove that being a woman doesn't affect how we do our jobs or act in the professional world, 50% of the women in this survey admit that they behave more "scatty" when they're on their period and are "therefore liable to make more mistakes".
This precious little survey was conducted by voxpopuk.com for the "personal care brand" Moxie.
("Personal care" meaning things that you use down there. On your flower.)
Moxie sell tampons and feminine hygiene products in sweet, cute little packages, and on their website they say that they want to make a "personal care brand" that's just as "gorgeous", "fresh", "brave" and "sexy" as the modern woman.
According to Moxie's director Mila Klitsas, "fresh" and "brave" means blaming shit on your uterus.
“Periods can be troublesome
as they are, let alone getting a parking fine at the same time! Moxie
is all about making the most of a bad situation, so if we can use our
feminine powers to get us out of sticky situations, why not?"
Heck, even Jessica Chivers, the Thinking Woman's Coach (as opposed to the non-thinking woman) over at beyoubutbetter.co.uk (yes, be YOU but BETTER) agrees with Moxie:
"embarrassing the parking
warden into revoking the ticket with period talk could be a good
strategy if they haven't already written the ticket, especially if you
flummox (him) with talk of falling oestrogen levels affecting your
pre-frontal cortex and your ability to make rational decisions. Joking
aside, some women really do find it difficult to regulate their
thoughts, feelings and actions when they have their period because of
the drop in oestrogen circulating the body."
Let's all take that in, shall we?
You should "flummox" a parking warden with talk of your "pre-frontal cortex" and blame not being able to back to your car by a certain time on your "inability to make rational decisions" due to your period.
But "joking aside" women really do find it "difficult to regulate their thoughts, feelings and actions" when we're on our period.
All I know is that Moxie and The Thinking Woman Coach are leaving me unable to process my thoughts and feelings about what they've just said, and I'm feeling like I'm unable to control my actions.
But maybe I'm just ovulating or something.