As the election draws closer, I find myself eyeballing Obama in a totally predatory manner. Yes, he may be older than my Dad, but who cares? Did you not see him sing Al Green? Are you not aware of his policies for gay rights? Oh swoon.
This made me think, why is Mitt not getting any of my love?
Well, there are plenty of reasons, but here are the top five that pop to mind...
1. He isn't all that attractive...
I can overlook his age, but really, he just has such a shiny, judgmental face. Romney reminds me of a train conductor that you don't remove your headphones for, as to escape any potential lingering conversations. He's just a little too well groomed, and I definitely don't trust a man who enjoys fake tan that much. Many seem to find him attractive, but to me he looks like he would make a good car salesman.
2. He doesn't respect women...
Now this is a big one, if not the most important. It'd be impossible to have sex with a man, knowing that he doesn't respect your body. If you were to get pregnant, he'd refuse you the right to choose whether you wanted to go to term. In fact, he almost looks like he'd refuse to wear a condom. (He has five kids! Speaking of which...)
3. His kids seem a little angry....
This isn't a comparison game, but Michelle and Barrack Obama seem to be perfect parents. They fist-pump, laugh, and buy their daughters a puppy when they deserve one. Romney's kids have come out with some corkers, from Josh Romney's death stares at the second debate, to Tagg Romney talking about how he wanted to push the President. They were clearly not the recipients of puppies. Or hugs.
4. He picked a pretty Vice President...
I can't even see Romney while Paul Ryan is standing next to him. I'm not saying I'd screw the potential VP, I'm just saying there must a reason that so many people are Googling the hell out of "Paul Ryan topless". I don’t see anyone begging to see Romney in a semi-naked state.
5. Have you seen the size of his lapel pin?
He's clearly over-compensating for something.
Images from huffstutterrobert's Flickr